Wossname -- December 2014 -- main issue

[News and reviews about the works of Sir Terry Pratchett]

Wossname
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
December 2014 (Volume 17, Issue 12, Post 1)

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WOSSNAME is a free publication offering news, reviews, and all the other 
stuff-that-fits pertaining to the works and activities of Sir Terry 
Pratchett. Originally founded by the late, great Joe Schaumburger for 
members of the worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates, 
including the North American Discworld Society and other continental 
groups, Wossname is now for Discworld and Pratchett fans everywhere in 
Roundworld.
********************************************************************

Editor in Chief: Annie Mac
News Editor: Vera P
Newshounds: Mogg, Sir J of Croydon Below, the Shadow, Wolfiekins
Staff Writers: Asti, Pitt the Elder, Evil Steven Dread, Mrs Wynn-Jones
Staff Technomancers: Jason Parlevliet, Archchancellor Neil, DJ Helpful
Book Reviews: Annie Mac, Drusilla D'Afanguin, Your Name Here
Puzzle Editor: Tiff (still out there somewhere)
Bard in Residence: Weird Alice Lancrevic
Emergency Staff: Steven D'Aprano, Jason Parlevliet
World Membership Director: Steven D'Aprano (in his copious spare time)

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

INDEX:

01) QUOTES OF THE MONTH
02) EDITOR'S LETTER
03) GOOD OMENS RADIO PLAY UPDATES
04) ODDS AND SODS
05) ACTION REPLAYS: DISCWORLD CAROLS, PTERRY'S CARNEGIE MEDAL SPEECH
06) DISCWORLD MEETING GROUPS NEWS
07) DISCWORLD ARTS AND CRAFTS NEWS
08) IMAGES OF THE MONTH
09) CLOSE

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

01) QUOTES OF THE MONTH

"We hereby decree that 2015 on Roundworld shall be the 'Year of the 
Spinning Mouse' on Discworld. Hurrah! Hurrah! Huzzah!"

– Sir Pterry makes it official

"We are proud to confirm that the myriad of charitable efforts at 
Hogswatch 2014 raised a whopping £3,506 for RICE! – heartfelt thanks to 
all who opened their wallets, entertained, or made wonderful things to 
sell for this great cause."

– The Discworld Emporium

"This book is dedicated to Sir Terry Pratchett OBE who has stood like a 
wossname upon the rocky shores of our imaginations – the better to guide 
us safely into harbour."

– Ben Aaronovitch's dedication at the front of Foxglove Summer, his 
newest Rivers of London novel

"Books aren't just commodities; the profit motive is often in conflict 
with the aims of art. We live in capitalism, its power seems inescapable 
– but then, so did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be 
resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin 
in art."

– Ursula Le Guin on the occasion of accepting a National Book Award, 
November 2014

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

02) LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR

You better not shout, you better not cry... yes, that season is upon us 
again, the time when some people gather with their loved ones to eat, 
drink, make merry and exchange lovingly-chosen gifts, while nearly 
everyone else gathers with their not-really-liked-very-much ones to 
gorge inadvisably, drink to excess, exchange heated accusations and 
attempt to raise a sickly smile when unwrapping yet another unwanted 
pair of woolly socks from Aunt Euthropia... ah well, it will soon be the 
Year of the Spinning Mouse and the worst will be over...

Remember GlenBricker's Discworld Lego campaign, which has been gradually 
getting closer to the required figure of 10,000 requests to qualify as 
an official Lego set? Well, with 130 days left, that figure has almost 
been reached – less then 1,000 supporters to go now, at 9,007 and 
counting! If you're a Lego fan, or just looking to raise the Discworld 
profile yet further, do join in to support of the project. For more 
information and updates, go to https://ideas.lego.com/projects/36302 and 
have a look at what Discworld creations are on offer.

It's satisfying to see that Hogfather is now showing up around the world 
in "what to read/watch at Christmas" recommendations – as is A Slip of 
the Keyboard. And also gratifying to see an increasing amount 
Discworld-specific holiday cards and decorations. We in the Wossname 
editorial household are still slowly doling out our treasured Paul Kidby 
greeting cards, but the new one from the Discworld Emporium look well 
worthy of stocking up on – see item 7.1 below.

Speaking of Discworld-themed excellence, here's some Department of 
Awesome Wall Coverings news: fancy the entirety of The Colour of Magic 
as a poster? Yes, every word! Spineless Classics specialise in turning 
entire books into large one-sheet posters, with the added attraction of 
some of the text being arranged in the form of a relevant illustration – 
in this case, The Luggage (with trail of footprints) and Great A'Tuin. 
The text is small (4pt) but readable! See item 7.2 below.

Finally, we all know Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett have collaborated a 
few times, but according to this blurb from a site called Bidness, it's 
more unequal than that: "Tweets by famous authors like Amanda Palmer 
('The Art of Asking') and former astronaut Chris Hadfield ('You are 
Here'), and The Onion Magazine's 'The Iconic Covers That Transformed an 
Undeserving World' will include the buy button. Moreover, readers buying 
Ms. Palmer's book will get a manuscript note from her and her husband 
Neil Gaiman, author of 'Terry Pratchett.'"

And now, on with the show!

– Annie Mac, Editor

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

03) GOOD OMENS RADIO PLAY NEWS

Here comes the Apocalypse – or at least, the almost-Apocalypse. The 
hotly anticipated BBC radio adaptation of Good Omens is almost upon us!

Good Omens will be aired in six parts. Here be the broadcast schedule:

Monday 22nd December: Episodes 1 and 2, back to back, starting at 11pm
Tuesday 23rd December: Episode 3, starting at 11.30pm
Thursday 25th December: Episode 4, starting at ii.30pm
Friday 26th December: Episode 5, starting at 11.27pm (that's what the 
BBC official site says!)
Saturday 27th December: Episode 6, starting at the "matinee time" of at 
2.30pm

http://www.bbc.co.uk/goodomens

To hold you until Monday night, here be some official illustrations by 
Sean Phillips. Here are Peter Serafinowicz as Crowley and Mark Heap as 
Aziraphale:

http://bit.ly/1yx2eoE

...and here we have Charlotte Ritchie as Anathema Device and Colin 
Morgan as Newton Pulsifer:

http://bit.ly/1vFVUhB

(source: Bleeding Cool News)

...and from the Radio Times, a selection of teaser-soundbites 
introducing the characters. I have to say that the music sounds 
marvellous, and so does Peter Serafinowicz:

http://bit.ly/1vwuOV6

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

04) ODDS AND SODS

4.1 DRAGONS AT CRUMBLING CASTLE CHRISTMAS STORY

"Have you ever wondered what Father Christmas gets up to the other 364 
days of the year? Well wonder no more, as Sir Terry exposes all in his 
short story Father Christmas Goes to Work at The Zoo which you can read 
for free for a limited time here, taken from the fantastically funny 
collection of stories, Dragons at Crumbling Castle."

To read a fully illustrated version of this story on the web, go to 
http://bit.ly/12zmL34

To download, go to 
http://penguin-group.msgfocus.com/c/1cWK4OrAAoQgnInw1Sf76VW


4.2 THE TWELVE DISCWORLD COOKIES OF CHRISTMAS

Anne Hoppe, famed editor and sometime Discworld convention Guest of 
Honour, has been baking and decorating some rather special "Hogswatch 
cookies". And here they are!

Twelve Nac Mac Feegles:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4Rdz2OCcAApK8i.jpg

Eleven werewolves howling:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4Re6UbIYAAzlQt.jpg

Ten Tiff'ny Snowflakes:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RgTlnIEAAVDiz.jpg

Nine learn-ed rodents:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RhyObIgAEXNzG.jpg

Eight hatted wizards***:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RicYJIgAA_RsG.jpg

Seven unharmed hedgehogs:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RjvU-IQAIqpjL.jpg

Six "ships" a-fleecing:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RlT5lIQAAdIvL.jpg

Hogfathers, five:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RmBsaIIAAXYjM.jpg

Four Elephants:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4Rnn7RIUAE7kol.jpg

Three Wyrd Hags:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RobplIQAA6xFf.jpg

Two Hippos, proud:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RqXHiIYAASv3-.jpg

...and A'Tuin swimming in a starred "sea":
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4Rq6HOIYAAqmyq.jpg

Also, a bonus Great God Om:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4RugHKIgAAb5dX.jpg

*** including Eskarina Smith

And on the subject of Ms Hoppe, here's an unearthed gem – Anne Hoppe at 
the Boston Athenaeum in 2009, reading Sir Pterry's remarks on the 
occasion of his being awarded the 2009 Boston Globe-Horn Book Award for 
Fiction for Nation (he was pre-booked for Unseen Academicals events 
elsewhere at the time). You will have seen these words elsewhere, but 
here they are read aloud with the care and attention of someone who 
edited the book itself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX3fBDxiiu4


4.3 HOGSWATCH IN WINCANTON 2014: A PRESS REPORT

In the Western Gazette:

"With the flag of Ankh-Morpork flying from the town hall throughout the 
weekend residents could be forgiven for thinking they had stepped into 
another world, especially with the colourful array of characters to be 
seen strolling the streets of Wincanton. But it was all in good spirits 
as hundreds of fans of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels arrived for 
the annual festive knees-up. Beginning on Friday with a performance by 
Wincanton’s very own Harry Pursey the weekend featured a packed 
programme of events... Entertainment continued into the night with the 
Pink Pussycat Club Cabaret compered by 2013 Vice World Champion 
Whiskerina Muriel Lavender. She said: 'The level of talent never ceases 
to delight me, because the people who come here just abound with energy 
and fun.' Sir Terry was unable to attend but The Hat took pride of place 
throughout... Bernard Pearson revealed there would be no Spring Fling 
next year as the team would be busy with the publication of two new 
books. But he added: 'From what I understand this has been one of the 
most well-attended shows we have ever done. I say we; I sit in a shed 
and smoke a foul pipe, while Isobel sits at our dining room table with a 
pile of paperwork, an abacus and a large glass of brandy. But the person 
who has made all of this happen is our wonderful Reb Voyce. She has run 
herself ragged. I could not be more proud of her if she was my own 
daughter..."

http://bit.ly/1zIEAd8


4.4 STORY MUSEUM INTERVIEW

"I am William Brown, better known as 'Just William'. And 'It's not 
fair.' He always says things like 'It's not fair,' or 'It stands to 
reason.' I chose him because his author was one of the best authors 
there ever has been for children. That was Richmal Crompton. A woman, 
though lots of people thought she was a man. Why Just William? I like 
his style. He never gave up, for one thing. He wouldn't back off if he 
thought he was right. Also, he had a lot of fun. He seemed to smash 
someone's window every week and it would be the slipper. And that seemed 
to have no effect on him whatsoever. And the way he spoke, and the way 
he reasoned; I recognised it as a way of speaking and reasoning that was 
not necessarily mine. The lady who wrote him was an absolute genius.

To listen, or to download, the full Story Museum interview with Sir 
Pterry, go to

http://bit.ly/1quuISz

and scroll down to the box marked "Q&A with Cambridge Jones".

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

05) ACTION REPLAYS: HOGSWATCH CAROLS, CARNEGIE MEDAL ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

4.1 WEIRD ALICE'S HOGSWATCH CAROLS

Weird Alice Lancrevic has been off on her Grand Sneer for some time now, 
but in her absence, we offer a repost of some of her most (in)famous 
Hogswatch carols...

A FAIRYTALE OF OLD ANKH

A PRISONER IN THE PALACE DUNGEONS:
It was Hogswatch Eve, mate
Down in old Ankh
A chained mime said to me
"Won't learn another word!"
And then he sang a song:
The hedgehog's point of view
I turned twice Widdershins
And dream'd of hot stoo

Got Raven's lucky beak –
See, Death of Rats says SQUEAK
A slate is running
In Biers for me and you
So Happy Hogswatch
 From Dots and Sadie
Making Morpork free of crime
And nightmares all come true...

TWOFLOWER:
They've got gnolls big as trolls
They've got wizards in robes
But the smell goes right through you
There's no rest for your nose
When we walked round the Shades
On that cold Hogswatch night
You promised me Ankh-Morpork vampires don't bite

VARIOUS MEMBERS OF THE BEGGARS' AND THIEVES' GUILDS:
"You were Bursar – "
"You were jolly..."
"You stank like Queen Molly!"
When the minstrels stopped playing
We set them alight
Piss Harry's "collecting"
Mossy Lawn, he's dissecting
We ate Dibbler's meat pies
And retched through the night

ALL:
The boys from the YMPA Choir
Were singing sourly
And Dark Morris bells rang out
For Hogswatch Eve.

NOBBY AND COLON:
"You're a Fool, a nut-case!"
"You're a civic disgrace,
"Swigging Bearhugger's booze
"Till you hoick on your shoes!"
"You Lancre sheep-shagger..."
"You unlicensed Beggar!"
"Happy Hogswatch, you Nobbs – "
"Hope the Gods shut yer gob!"

ALL:
The cops of the Day and Night Watch Choir
Committed harmony
And Dark Morris bells rang out
For Hogswatch Eve.

DUKE FELMET: "I could've ruled the Disc..."
DUCHESS FELMET: "Well, so could any twit!
"You took my crown from me
"When ghosts unmanned you..."
DUKE: "I killed for Lancre, dear
"I grabbed it for our own..."
DUCHESS: 'I'd rather stand alone!"
ALL LANCRE TOGETHER: "But we could never stand you!"

ALL:
The ghouls from the Bel-Shamharoth Choir
Were howling tunelessly
And Dark Morris bells rang out
For Hogswatch Eve!


WE THREE HAGS: ANE HOGSWATCHE CAROL

NANNY, GRANNY AND MAGRAT:
We three Hags Lancrastian are
Straddling brooms, we travel afar
Hearth and privy, pub and smithy
Casting our spells bizarre
Ohh...
Stars of Lancre, stern in black
Dames in regal pointy hats
Hubwards breezing, nethers freezing
Witches three who've got the knack

VERENCE:
Born a Fool, yet destined to reign
Never cruel though sometimes a pain
King well-meaning – New Age-leaning
Sensible, in the main
Ohh...
Star of Lancre, staunch and meek
Castle sanitation geek
Bells a-clinking, forward-thinking
Modernise your farm techniques

MAGRAT:
Frank but senseless, soppy am I
Wrinkled gowns and head in the sky
Sweet tomfool'ry, occult jewellery
"Wet as a hen," they sigh
Ohh...
Star of Lancre, star-crossed Queen
Star of herbal research scene
Keen defender, nappy-mender
Keeping Ynci's armour clean

NANNY:
Scumble mine, 'tis boozy perfume
Breath like fire can clear a big room
Girlish in spirit, bawling lyrics
Bawdy and rude – boom-boom!
Ohh...
Star of Lancre, super-Gran
Head of matriarchal clan
Crude and chummy, Greebo's Mummy
Who can fix things? Nanny can!

GRANNY:
Hogswatch parties? Sausages fat?
Ha! I can't be having with that!
Bees I'll borrow near and far, so
I can patrol my patch

ALL: Ohh...
Stars of Lancre, wyrd and wise
We've no need to advertise
Maiden, mother, and the... other
Guarding all 'neath Lancre's skies


NOT KING WENCESLAS

Doctor Mossy Lawn looked out
On his Igors merry
Tossing body parts about
(It's herrydeterry)
Jason stoked the forge so bright
Helped by Nanny's daughters
For his yearly task tonight -
Shoeing Tusker's trottt-ters.
Good King Verence donned his bells
And with jingles gentle
Spread organic Hogswatch smells
(Quite experimental)
Sybil served the party fare
With her fav'rite dragon
No fine wines on offer there –
Sam is on the waaaa-gon!


DECK THE HALLS...

Deck the halls with boughs of holllly
Buggrit, buggrit, ook, a pint of eels
Bow to ev'ry wizard's folly
Buggrit, buggrit, ook, *our* one has wheels
Fill to bursting ev'ry belly
Bugg'rem, bugg'rem, what duck?, wheeee!
Winkle pie for Mr Jelly,
Buggrit, buggrit, ook, the first one's free.
Deck the Libr'ry with bananas
Buggrit, buggrit, ook, cough cough, cough cough
For tonight the Watch won't ban us
Buggrit, buggrit, ook, the wheels fell off
Toast we now our figgins tender
Bugg'rem, bugg'rem, what duck?, wheeee!
Arrgh! The Bursar's on a bender!
Buggrit, buggrit, eek! – some Dried Frog tea?


HOGFATHER IS COMING TO TOWN

You better not shout, you better not cry
You better watch out, I'm telling you why:
Susan Sto Helit has a great big poker and she's gonna
bash all the monsters under your – I'm sorry, I'll
start that again...
She's making a list, she's checking it twice
She's gonna find out who's naughty or nice,
Susan Sto Helit has a great big poker and she's gonna
get that bogeyman hiding behind the – oh dear, this
isn't working very well, is it? Pardon me, there's a cowled
rat tugging at my skirt. Erm, Happy Hogswatch.
She knows when you are sleeping, she knows if you're awake
She knows if you've been bad or good because she's the
granddaughter of Death, after all, and Death sees the fall
of every sparrow and – aaah, forget it.


HOGSWATCH IS A-COMING

Hogswatch is a-coming, the Dean is very fat
Please to put a figgin in his pointy hat!

Hogswatch is a-coming, Lord Downey's wearing black
Please to put some poison in the old man's sack!

Hogswatch is a-coming and Death is on the prowl
Please to put two coppers in his deep, dark cowl!

Hogswatch is a-coming and Cohen has a sword
Please to give him rubies or you might get gored!

Hogswatch is a-coming and Dibbler's in his coat
Please to buy a sausage or he'll cut his throat!

Reality is wavering, all Ponder's team are wrecks
So please, please, put a figgin in the UU Hex!


...and not quite a carol, but seasonal, first published in 2007:

HOGGERWATCHY

Twas Hogswatch, and the savvy youths
Did slyly grin as sleep they feigned
All tinselled were the icy roofs
And the Hogfather reigned

'Beware the pig-shaped choccy buns!
'The drunken fights, the booze'd collapse!
'Beware the lemon curd, and shun
'Voluminous brandy-snaps!'

We took our chunder-cures in hand
Pork rinds and sausage pie we bought
Then rested we as the clock struck three
And had a wily thought

And as we hid, with prying eyes
The Hogfather (with list of names)
Came jingling through the wintry skies
HO. HO. HO. as he came!

One-two, one-two! The ham's sliced through!
Its charcoaled skin was bright as chrome
We played Charades, then thanked the Gods
And went galumphing home

'And hast thou drained the scumble-pot?
'Don't be alarmed, my wee pished bairn!'
O scabrous daze, me head's all glazed!
We mortals never learn...

Twas Hogswatch, and the savvy youths
Did slyly grin as sleep they feigned
All tinselled were the icy roofs
And the Hogfather reigned.


4.2 PTERRY'S CARNEGIE MEDAL SPEECH

On the occasion of winning the Carnegie Medal for The Amazing Maurice 
and his Educated Rodents in 2001:

"I'm pretty sure that the publicists for this award would be quite happy 
if I said something controversial, but it seems to me that giving me the 
Carnegie medal is controversial enough. This was my third attempt. Well, 
I say my third attempt, but in fact I just sat there in ignorance and 
someone else attempted it on my behalf, somewhat to my initial dismay.

"The Amazing Maurice is a fantasy book. Of course, everyone knows that 
fantasy is 'all about' wizards, but by now, I hope, everyone with any 
intelligence knows that, er, what everyone knows...is wrong. Fantasy is 
more than wizards. For instance, this book is about rats that are 
intelligent. But it also about the even more fantastic idea that humans 
are capable of intelligence as well. Far more beguiling than the idea 
that evil can be destroyed by throwing a piece of expensive jewellery 
into a volcano is the possibility that evil can be defused by talking. 
The fantasy of justice is more interesting that the fantasy of fairies, 
and more truly fantastic. In the book the rats go to war, which is, I 
hope, gripping. But then they make peace, which is astonishing.

"In any case, genre is just a flavouring. It's not the whole meal. Don't 
get confused by the scenery. A novel set in Tombstone, Arizona, on 
October 26, 1881 is what– a Western? The scenery says so, the clothes 
say so, but the story does not automatically become a Western. Why let a 
few cactuses tell you what to think? It might be a counterfactual, or a 
historical novel, or a searing literary indictment of something or 
other, or a horror novel, or even, perhaps, a romance – although the 
young lovers would have to speak up a bit and possibly even hide under 
the table, because the gunfight at the OK corral was going on at the time.

"We categorize too much on the basis of unreliable assumption. A 
literary novel written by Brian Aldiss must be science fiction, because 
he is a known science fiction writer; a science fiction novel by 
Margaret Atwood is literature because she is a literary novelist. Recent 
Discworld books have spun on such concerns as the nature of belief, 
politics and even of journalistic freedom, but put in one lousy dragon 
and they call you a fantasy writer.

"This is not, on the whole, a complaint. But as I have said, it seems to 
me that dragons are not really the pure quill of fantasy, when properly 
done. Real fantasy is that a man with a printing press might defy an 
entire government because of some half-formed belief that there may be 
such a thing as the truth. Anyway, fantasy needs no defence now. As a 
genre it has become quire respectable in recent years. At least, it can 
demonstrably make lots and lots and lots of money, which passes for 
respectable these days. When you can by a plastic Gandalf with kung-fu 
grip and rocket launcher, you know fantasy has broken through.

"But I'm a humorous writer too, and humour is a real problem. It was 
interesting to see how Maurice was reviewed here and in the US. Over 
there, where I've only recently made much of an impression, the reviews 
tended to be quite serious and detailed with, as Maurice himself would 
have put it, 'long words, like "corrugated iron"' Over here, while being 
very nice, they tended towards the 'another wacky, zany book by comic 
author Terry Pratchett'. In fact Maurice has no wack and very little 
zane. It's quite a serious book. Only the scenery is funny.

"The problem is that we think the opposite of funny is serious. It is 
not. In fact, as G K Chesterton pointed out, the opposite of funny is 
not funny, and the opposite of serious is not serious. Benny Hill was 
funny and not serious; Rory Bremner is funny and serious; most 
politicians are serious but, unfortunately, not funny. Humour has its 
uses. Laughter can get through the keyhole while seriousness is still 
hammering on the door. New ideas can ride in on the back of a joke, old 
ideas can be given an added edge.

"Which reminds me... Chesterton is not read much these days, and his 
style and approach belong to another time and, now, can irritate. You 
have to read in a slightly different language. And then, just when the 
'ho, good landlord, a pint of your finest English ale!' style gets you 
down, you run across a gem, cogently expressed. He famously defended 
fairy stories against those who said they told children that there were 
monsters; children already know that there are monsters, he said, and 
fairy stories teach them that monsters can be killed. We now know that 
the monsters may not simply have scales and sleep under a mountain. They 
may be in our own heads. In Maurice, the rats have to confront them all: 
real monsters, some of whom have many legs, some merely have two, but 
some, perhaps the worse, are the ones they invent. The rats are 
intelligent. They're the first rats in the world to be afraid of the 
dark, and they people the shadows with imaginary monsters. An act of 
extreme significance to them is the lighting of a flame.

"People have already asked me if I had the current international 
situation in mind when I wrote the book. The answer is no. I wouldn't 
insult even rats by turning them into handy metaphors. It's just 
unfortunate that the current international situation is pretty much the 
same old dull, stupid international situation, in a world obsessed by 
the monsters it has made up, dragons that are hard to kill. We look 
around and see foreign policies that are little more than the taking of 
revenge for the revenge that was taken in revenge for the revenge last 
time. It's a path that leads only downwards, and still the world flocks 
along it. It makes you want to spit. The dinosaurs were thick as 
concrete, but they survived for one hundred and fifty million years and 
it took a damn great asteroid to knock them out. I find myself wonder 
wondering now if intelligence comes with its own built-in asteroid.

"Of course, as the aforesaid writer of humorous fantasy I'm obsessed by 
wacky, zany ideas. One is that rats might talk. But sometimes I'm even 
capable of weirder, more ridiculous ideas, such the possibility of a 
happy ending. Sometimes, when I'm really, really wacky and on a fresh 
dose of zany, I'm just capable of entertaining the fantastic idea that, 
in certain circumstances, Homo Sapiens might actually be capable of 
thinking. It must be worth a go, since we've tried everything else.

"Writing for children is harder than writing for adults, if you're doing 
it right. What I thought was going to be a funny story about a cat 
organizing a swindle based on the Pied Piper legend turned out to be a 
major project, in which I was aided and encouraged and given hope by 
Philippa Dickinson and Sue Coates at Doubleday or whatever they're 
calling themselves this week, and Anne Hoppe of HarperCollins in New 
York, who waylaid me in an alley in Manhattan and insisted on publishing 
the book and even promised to protect me from that most feared of 
creatures, the American copy editor.

"And I must thank you, the judges, in the hope that your sanity and 
critical faculties may speedily be returned to you. And finally, my 
thanks to the rest of you, the loose agglomeration of editors and 
teachers and librarians that I usually refer to, mostly with a smile, as 
the dirndl mafia. You keep the flame alive."

www.carnegiegreenaway.org.uk/pressdesk/press.php?release=pres_terspeach.htm

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

06) DISCWORLD MEETING GROUPS NEWS

The Broken Drummers, "London's Premier Unofficially Official Discworld 
Group" (motto "Nil percussio est"), meets on the first Monday of every 
month at the Monkey Puzzle, 30 Southwick Street, London W2 1JQ: "We 
welcome anyone and everyone who enjoys Sir Terry's works, or quite likes 
them or wants to find out more. We have had many visitors from overseas 
who have enjoyed themselves and made new friends. The discussions do not 
only concern the works of Sir Terry Pratchett but wander and meander 
through other genres and authors and also leaping to TV and Film 
production. We also find time for a quiz. The prize is superb. The 
chance to set the quiz the following month."

Next meeting: apparently on 30th November 1999 ("-5497 days to go", 
their website says), from 7pm onwards. Could it be that they Drummers 
have gone Trollish? If not, the next meeting is likely to be on Monday 
5th January 2015...

The Drummers' December meet report:

"It was great to see so many of you at the Christmas/ 10th Anniversary 
celebration on Monday. In the end 29 people turned up. That's not quite 
the record (which is 33) but it's in second place. I was pleased that we 
had a significant number of the original members, including James O., 
who came up with the name "Broken Drummers" and who travelled a long way 
to be there. We also had three new people: Philip, who we recruited at 
Hogswatch, and Tara and Charlotte who we had not met before but turned 
out to be veteran Feegle impersonators. Plus, of course, loads more 
people who have joined over the course of the last 10 years. I did a 
quiz on Christmas songs, which Tim W. and Ruth won. Tim has agreed to do 
a quiz for next time as he says it will be good for him. How or why I'm 
not sure but keep it in mind when we do the quiz. Tim W. then kindly 
made a speech, which was a relief as I was flagging after shouting the 
quiz answers at 29 of you whilst trying to keep Bill quiet! Tim observed 
that I have been running Drummers for most of its 10 year history. I've 
had a great time doing that. Coming to Drummers was a huge turning point 
in my life. I even met my husband at a Drummers meeting. Therefore I'll 
repeat what I said Monday night. I didn't found Drummers, I started 
coming in March 2005 and took over running it in August 2006. The person 
who got the whole thing up and running in the latter half of 2004 was 
Jack. Since he wasn't there Monday I'll say a big thanks to Jack now. 
Thank you also to the rest of you for coming along and making Drummers 
what it is (whatever that may be)."

For more information, go to http://brokendrummers.org/ or email 
BrokenDrummers at gmail.com or nicholls.helen at yahoo.co.uk

*

The Pratchett Partisans are a new fan group who meet monthly at either 
Brisbane or Indooroopilly to "eat, drink and chat about all things 
Pratchett". Forthcoming events include:

Saturday, January 10, 2015 2:00 PM Discworld Discussion #1 – Punes & 
Parodies

For more info about their next meetup, go to 
www.meetup.com/Pratchett-Partisans/ or contact Ula directly at 
uwilmott at yahoo.com.au

*

The City of Small Gods is a group for fans in Adelaide and South 
Australia: "We have regular monthly dinner and games nights, longer 
games days, plus play outings, craft-y workshops, and fun social 
activities throughout the year. For more info and to join our mailing 
list, visit http://cityofsmallgods.org.au "

*

The Broken Vectis Drummers meet on the first Thursday of every month 
from 7.30pm at The Castle pub in Newport, Isle of Wight.

Next meeting: if not New Year's Day, then Thursday 8th December 2015, 
probably, but do email to check.

All new members and curious passersby are very welcome! For more info 
and any queries, contact broken_vectis_drummers at yahoo.co.uk

*

The Wincanton Omnian Temperance Society (WOTS) meets on the first Friday 
of every month at Wincanton's famous Bear Inn from 7pm onwards. 
"Visitors and drop-ins are always welcome!"

Next meeting: Friday 2nd January 2015 (probably).

*

The Northern Institute of the Ankh-Morpork and District Society of 
Flatalists, a Pratchett fangroup, has been meeting on a regular basis 
since 2005 but is now looking to take in some new blood (presumably not 
in the non-reformed Uberwald manner). The Flatalists normally meet at 
The Narrowboat Pub in Victoria Street, Skipton, North Yorkshire, to 
discuss "all things Pratchett" as well as having quizzes and raffles.

Details of future meetings are posted on the Events section of the 
Discworld Stamps forum:

http://www.discworldstamps.co.uk/forum/

*

Sydney Drummers (formerly Drummers Downunder) meet on the first Monday 
of every month in Sydney at 3 Wise Monkeys, 555 George Street, Sydney,2000.

Next meeting: Monday 1st December 2014 at 6.30pm (probably). For more 
information, contact Sue (aka Granny Weatherwax): kenworthys at yahoo.co.uk

*

The Treacle Mining Corporation, formerly known as Perth Drummers, meet 
on the first Monday of the month (subject to holidays) at the 
child-friendly Carpe Cafe, 526 Murray Street, Perth, Western Australia.

Next meeting: from 5.30pm on Monday 5th January 2015 (probably).

For details follow Perth Drummers on Twitter @Perth_Drummers and 
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/Perth.Drummers/ – otherwise 
message Alexandra Ware directly at <alexandra.ware at gmail.com>

*

Western Drummers, also based in Sydney, meet at The Rowers, Nepean 
Rowing Club, Bruce Neal Drive, Penrith at 6.30-7.30pm for food, 7.30pm 
for games, quizzes and chat: "If you have never been, please come on 
down. You would be very welcome. We eat, have a drink, talk Discworld 
and play board games. Starts kind of 6 – 6.30ish and finishes kind of 
9pm ish."

Next meeting: as there was a meeting last week, the next will probably 
be in mid-January. For more information, contact Nanny Ogg – 
lewis_oz at bigpond.com – or visit their Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/westerndrummers

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

07) DISCWORLD ARTS AND CRAFTS NEWS

7.1 DISCWORLD EMPORIUM UPDATES

"New for Hogswatch – latest Discworld gifts & goodies!

"The City Watch Recruit File contains all the certification and ephemera 
to confirm your enrolment in the Watch and help you uphold the law on 
the mean streets of Ankh-Morpork - a great gift for any City Watch fan! 
Includes your Warrant Card, Appraisal, and Training Certificate, along 
with three Traffic Division Fixed Penalty Notices for you to deploy 
amongst your friends and relatives, and three forensic evidence stickers 
- ideal for laying claim to anything you might like to investigate, plus 
a prisoner receipt for when you have no choice but to take a wrong 'un 
into custody."

The City Watch Recruit File is priced at £10.00. For more info, and to 
order, go to:
http://www.discworldemporium.com/City%20Watch%20File

"What Hogswatch would be complete without the presence of Quoth, Death, 
and the Grim Squeaker? Add a little Pratchett magic to your tree or 
abode with a set of gorgeous lasercut birch wood decorations. Each set 
includes one of each design

The Discworld Decorations set is priced at £10.00. For more info, and to 
order (a bit late for this year, but plenty of time to order for next 
Hogswatch), go to:
http://www.discworldemporium.com/Discworld%20Decorations

"We've collaborated with Joe McLaren, cover artist for the Discworld 
Collector’s Library Editions from Gollancz, to create a view of Sator 
Square entitled 'Fairytale of Ankh-Morpork'. Joe's distinctive 
illustration, complete with wizards, beggars, dwarfs, trolls, the 
Hogfather in his sleigh, and snow swirling around the Tower of Art 
graces our exclusive Hogswatch cards... Joe has used his distinctive 
style to create a festive view of Sator Square, complete with wizards, 
beggars, dwarfs, trolls, the Hogfather in his sleigh, snow swirling 
around the Tower of Art and candlelit carols – a real Hogswatch treat! 
Printed on textured art paper, these gorgeous cards can be used as 
notelets or as framed art prints – perfect gifts or greetings this 
Hogswatch! Each pack comprises of 3 cards, which are accompanied by 3 
kraft ribbed envelopes, and they measure 150 x150mm."

The Fairytale of Ankh-Morpork cards collection is priced at £7.50. For 
more info, and to order (again, too late for this year, but plenty of 
time to order for next Hogswatch), go to:
http://bit.ly/1C12Rxf

Also – "Fairytale of Ankh-Morpork has been cleverly designed to 
incorporate four separate tableaus forming this year's Hogswatch issues 
from the A-M.P.O. – Available to collect as a limited edition minisheet 
(_http://bit.ly/1C11qPh_, priced at £5.00) or adorning our 250 
illustrated First Day Covers (_http://bit.ly/1r1zvLb_, price £10.00). Be 
good (the Hogfather is watching)"

And a final Hogswatch message from Team Cunning Artificer:

"We'll be having a little time off over Hogswatch to put our feet up, 
scoff mince pies and polish our baubles. Please note that we will cease 
shipping from DECEMBER 18TH, and any orders placed after this date WILL 
NOT BE SENT until we re-open on JANUARY 5TH. We've now passed all 
shipping deadlines except for UK orders, so we'd like to remind everyone 
that we cannot guarantee your goodies will arrive in time for the big 
day if ordered AFTER the dates shown below.

"The last issue from Discworld Stamps for the Year of the Reciprocating 
Llama is here - The Hogswatch Season LBE is a festive assortment of 
Discworld stamps, with a chance of sports and rarities. Each LBE in this 
edition contains at least one of this year's exquisite Hogswatch issues 
from the Ankh-Morpork Post Office, illustrated by Joe McLaren, along 
with a FREE winter edition of one of our most iconic stamps, the 50p 
Cabbage Field - an exclusive Hogswatch gift from us!
A VERY generous flurry of sports of the Winter Cabbage Field, and from 
all our current issues has been scattered throughout the edition – happy 
Hogswatch from the A-M.P.O! 
(_http://www.discworldemporium.com/hogswatch-season-lbe_, price £5.00)

"And finally, we'd like to extend heartfelt gratitude to YOU, our 
brilliant customers old and new for your continued custom and support 
over the past year. We're looking forward to sharing our forthcoming 
Discworld projects with you, and to celebrating our mutual geekery at 
conventions across the globe. May the Year of the Spinning Mouse bring 
you joy, happiness, and lots of Discworld merchandise!"


7.2 COLOUR OF MAGIC WALL POSTER

Most of us have bookshelves lining our wall. How about an entire book as 
a poster? Spineless Classics are offering just that:

"First published in 1983, this is the book which introduced Terry 
Pratchett and the Discworld to the reading public, starting a series of 
forty novels so far and making Sir Terry the UK's bestselling author of 
the 1990s. Now for the very first time fans can enjoy this iconic debut 
novel in its entirety on one page. This design is a single sheet 
measuring 700 x 1000mm (279/16 in x 393/8 in). All Spineless Classics 
are printed on heavyweight paper in sharp, lightfast ink which will not 
fade."

The Colour of Magic poster is priced at £39.99 unframed and £240.00 
framed. To find out more about Spineless Classics, and to find out how 
to order your poster, go to:

www.spinelessclassics.com/the-colour-of-magic-fantasy-book-print-197.htm

USA customers can go to http://www.spinelessclassics.net/ ... In 
Fourecks, the site is /www.spinelessclassics.com.au/
and in South Africa, www.spinelessclassics.co.za/

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

08) IMAGES OF THE MONTH

Man in Hat meets Leather-clad Barbarian:
http://bit.ly/1s0sipM

 From Hogswatch in Wincanton 2014, some fabulous iconographs! Here is 
Captain Angua and her most recent "collar", a mime:
http://bit.ly/1ygyu4l

...and a truly awesome troll, complete with lovingly tended lichen:
http://bit.ly/1yQUkKv

...and Pterry the Puppet:
http://bit.ly/1ygAARK

...and Dios of Djelibeybi, accompanied by, perhaps, a Dark Clerk or 
other female Assassin:
http://bit.ly/1rYdyaY

...and a fantastic Hogswatch cake, topped by Death of Rats himself:
http://bit.ly/1ymnYr7

...and that's *Emperor* Cohen to you, peasant!
http://bit.ly/1yP8gno

...and here is an extensive photoset from the festivities, by 
participant Sara Long:
http://on.fb.me/1ygAbP4


It's the Glooper! AKA the 1949 model Monetary National Income Analogue 
Computer ("MONIAC"), which ran on water:
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B37AzizIUAA0bVo.jpg:large

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

09) CLOSE

And so we come to the end of another year. For me, it will always be the 
year that WOSSNAME became Wossname, and I raise my scumble glass to our 
late great founder Joe Schaumburger, who created this newsletter way 
back in the days when fanzines were printed on actual pieces of dead 
tree, circulated via physical post, and people could write titles all in 
uppercase without having to fear they would be misfiled in recipients' 
spam folders. I also raise a toast to our various contributors and 
Roving Reporters, and most of all to you, O Readers, for sticking with 
us through the years. Cheers! Prosit! Slainte! Millennium hand and shrimp!

According to the Sydney Morning Herald this week, "Terry Pratchett 
apparently never really forgave J. K. Rowling for replacing him as 
Britain's top-selling author". Er... the other one's got bells on... but 
at least they recommended Dragons at Crumbling Castle as a "delightful 
young adult collection"...

If there is any late breaking news, we'll pass it along. otherwise, 
we'll see you in January. Have a lovely holiday season and here's to the 
new year!

– Annie Mac

Remember, the mirror version of this issue can be viewed at 
http://wossname.dreamwidth.org/6749.html

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The End. If you have any questions or requests, write: wossname-owner 
(at) pearwood (dot) info