Wossname – SPECIAL EDITION – February 2022

[News and reviews about the works of Sir Terry Pratchett]

Wossname
Newsletter of the Klatchian Foreign Legion
Special Edition
February 2022 (Volume 25, Issue 2, Post 1)

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WOSSNAME is a free publication offering news, reviews, and all the other 
stuff-that-fits pertaining to the works of Sir Terry Pratchett. 
Originally founded by the late, great Joe Schaumburger for members of 
the worldwide Klatchian Foreign Legion and its affiliates, including the 
North American Discworld Society and other continental groups, Wossname 
is now for Discworld and Pratchett fans everywhere in Roundworld.
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01) LETTER FROM YOUR EDITOR

Apologies yet again, O Readers: February got away from me. But there's 
no way I could miss marking the anniversary of the day our favourite 
author left us forever.

...except he hasn't left, really, has he? Because his name continues to 
be spoken around Roundworld, and his vast body of work will always be 
there to be savoured by his original fans and by generations to come. So 
in his honour, here be some of your Editor's favourite quotes from all 
the Discworld novels and all the YA novels and various other pieces of 
Sir Pterry's oeuvre.

GNU Terry Pratchett. Forever.

And now, on with the quotes...

– Annie Mac, Editor

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02) QUOTES OF THE MONTH

"It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and 
vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because 
wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the 
powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself. But Rincewind 
always thought it looked a sort of greenish-purple." (The Colour of Magic)

"It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as 
"slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it 
looked as though it had been badgered, wolved and possibly beared as 
well." (The Light Fantastic)

"'They say there's dwarf mines under the Ramtops,' she said 
inconsequentially. 'My, but them little buggers is in for a surprise.' 
(Equal Rites)

"When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry." 
(Mort)

"The subject of wizards and sex is a complicated one, but as has already 
been indicated it does, in essence, boil down to this: when it comes to 
wine, women and song, wizards are allowed to get drunk and croon as much 
as they like." (Sourcery)

"In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious 
games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to 
Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's 
idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs." (Wyrd Sisters)

"It was a great comfort knowing that the gods were there. It was knowing 
they were here that was the terrible part." (Pyramids)

"The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) 
Books must be returned no later than the date last shown; and 3) Do not 
interfere with the nature of causality." (Guards! Guards!)

"Interestingly enough, the gods of the Disc have never bothered much 
about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if 
that's where they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know 
about it. This explains why it is important to shoot missionaries on 
sight." (Eric)

"If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter." (Moving 
Pictures)

"'All it's doing is moving around slowly and eating things,' said the 
Dean. 'Put a pointy hat on it and it'd be a faculty member,' said the 
Archchancellor." (Reaper Man)

"Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because – what with trolls 
and dwarfs and so on – speciesism was more interesting. Black and white 
lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green." (Witches Abroad)

"You know, I used to think I was stupid, and then I met philosophers." 
(Small Gods)

"It's not enough to be able to pick up a sword. You have to know which 
end to poke into the enemy." (Lords and Ladies)

"The Librarian of Unseen University had unilaterally decided to aid 
comprehension by producing an Orangutan/Human Dictionary. He'd been 
working on it for three months. It wasn't easy. He'd got as far as 
'Oook'." (Men At Arms)

"The Patrician was a pragmatist. He never tried to fix things that 
worked. Things that didn't work, however, got broken." (Soul Music)

"Many things went on at Unseen University and, regrettably, teaching had 
to be one of them. The faculty had long ago confronted this fact and had 
perfected various devices for avoiding it. But this was perfectly all 
right because, to be fair, so had the students." (Interesting Times)

"Nanny had an unexpected gift for languages; she could be comprehensibly 
incompetent in a new one within an hour or two." (Maskerade)

"I, after hearing evidence from a number of experts, including Mrs 
Slipdry the midwife, certify that the balance of probability is that the 
bearer of this document, C. W. St John Nobbs, is a human being. Signed, 
Lord Vetinari." (Feet of Clay)

"Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It 
made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass 
it on." (Hogfather)

"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to 
think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's 
fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I 
must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one 
ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's 
Them that do the bad things." (Jingo)

"Ponder Stibbons was one of those unfortunate people cursed with the 
belief that if only he found out enough things about the universe it 
would all, somehow, make sense." (The Last Continent)

"Lancre operated on the feudal system, which was to say, everyone feuded 
all the time and handed on the fight to their descendants." (Carpe Jugulum)

"Humans don't like werewolves. Wolves don't like werewolves. People 
don't like wolves that can think like people, an' people don't like 
people who can act like wolves. Which just goes to show that people are 
the same everywhere." (The Fifth Elephant)

"A lie can run round the world before the truth has got its boots on." 
(The Truth)

"It was hard to deal with people when a tiny part of you saw them as a 
temporary collection of atoms that would not be around in another few 
decades." (Thief of Time)

"Lord Vetinari, despite his education, had a mind like an engineer. If 
you wished to open something, you found the appropriate spot and applied 
the minimum amount of force necessary to achieve your end. Possibly the 
spot was between a couple of ribs and the force was applied via a 
dagger, or between two warring countries and applied via an army, but 
the important thing was to find that one weak spot which would be the 
key to everything. " (The Last Hero)

"A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks 
they've lost." (TAMAHER)

"THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE.  FOR YOU, THE CAKE IS OVER.  YOU 
HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE." (Night Watch)

" What they did was sell invisible things.  And after they had sold what 
they had, they still had it.  They sold what everyone needed but didn’t 
often want.  They sold the key to the universe to people who didn’t know 
it was locked." (The Wee Free Men)

"The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred 
to the presence of those who think they’ve found it." (Monstrous Regiment)

"A Feegle liked to face enormous odds all by himself, because it meant 
you didn’t have to look where you were hitting." (A Hat Full of Sky)

"What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch 
of government? Apart from, say, the average voter." (Going Postal)

"'What would you do if I asked you an outright question, Vimes?’ ‘I’d 
tell you an outright lie, sir.’" (Thud!)

"First Sight and Second Thoughts, that’s what a witch had to rely on: 
First Sight to see what’s really there, and Second Thoughts to watch the 
First Thoughts to check that they were thinking right." (Wintersmith)

"The city bleeds, Mr Lipwig, and you are the clot I need." (Making Money)

"'The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord.' Vetinari looked 
at his secretary in surprise. 'Well, of course it is. It has to deal 
with the male one.'" (Unseen
Academicals)

"People aren't just people, they are people surrounded by 
circumstances." (I Shall Wear Midnight)

"He was a scallywag, a chancer, a ruthless fighter and a dangerous 
driver of bargains over the speed limit.  Since it was a bit of a 
mouthful, he was referred to as a successful businessman, since that 
more or less amounted to the same thing." (Snuff)

"The world is changing and it needs its shepherds and sometimes its 
butchers." (Raising Steam)

"She was Tiffany Aching. Not Granny Weatherwax, but a witch in her own 
right. A witch who knew exactly who she was and how she wanted to do 
things. Her way." and "A witch is always on the edge, between the light 
and the dark, good and bad, making choices every day, judging all the 
time. It was what made her human." (The Shepherd's Crown)

"It is known that knowledge is power, and power is energy, and energy is 
matter, and matter is mass, and therefore large accumulations of 
knowledge distort time and space." (The Science of Discworld)

"Think critically about what you are told. Do not accept the word of 
authority unthinkingly. Science is not a belief system: no belief system 
instructs you to question the system itself. Science does. (There are 
many scientists, however, who treat it as a belief system. Be wary of 
them.)" (tSoD: The Globe)

"'That’s young Darwin,’ said Ponder. ‘Very keen on collecting all sorts 
of wildlife.'" (tSoD: Darwin's Watch)

"Every scientific statement is provisional. Politicians hate this. How 
can anyone trust scientists? If new evidence comes along, they change 
their minds." (tSod: Judgement Day)

...and, of course:

"So he said to young Sam: 'if you lose your cow you should report this 
to the Watch under Demonic & Farmyard Animals (Lost) Act of 1804. They 
will swing into action with keenness and speed. Your cow will be found. 
If it has been impersonating other animals, it may be arrested. If you 
are a stupid person, do not look for your cow yourself.'" (Where's My Cow?)

And not forgetting...

"Death was Nature's way of telling you to slow down." (Strata)

"I don’t seem to be achieving anything, but I must keep trying, 
otherwise what is free will for?" (The Dark Side of the Sun)

"For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the 
night his Great Work is complete and lying on the slab, there have been 
dozens who've sat around aimlessly under the peaceful stars while Igor 
clocks up the overtime." (Good Omens)

...and all the marvellous YA and "for (even) younger readers" novels:

  "Religion is not an exact science. Sometimes, of course, neither is 
science." (Nation)

"There were two ways of looking at the world, but only one when you are 
starving." (Dodger)

"Just because you've got a mind like a hammer doesn't mean you have to 
treat everyone else like a nail." (Only You Can Save Mankind)

"Granddad was superstitious about books. He thought that if you had 
enough of them around, education leaked out, like radioactivity." 
(Johnny and the Dead)

"This isn’t magic, is it?" (Johnny and the Bomb)

"The Munrungs didn't have gods. Life was complicated enough as it was." 
(The Carpet People)

"'It’s a well-known fact that women can’t read,' said Gurder. 'It’s not 
their fault, of course. Apparently their brains get too hot. With the 
strain, you know.'"
(Truckers)

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will 
insist on coming along and trying to put things in it." (Diggers)

"Beyond the top of the sky was the place the Thing had called the 
universe. It contained – according to the Thing – everything and 
nothing. And there was very little everything and more nothing than 
anyone could imagine." (Wings)

[Editor's note: I haven't time to include any quotes from Sir Pterry's 
collections of children's short stories, or from Once More* With 
Footnotes or A Blink of the Screen or the Long earth series. Feel free 
to add your own...]

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08) CLOSE

...and that's it for the moment. Normal service will resume later this 
month. Mind how you go!

– Annie Mac

This special edition can be viewed on the Clacks at 
https://wossname.dreamwidth.org/83856.html

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The End. If you have any questions or requests, write: wossname-owner 
(at) pearwood (dot) info